One More Resolution and I’ll Explode

To say that the last few years have been stressful would be an understatement.

Between COVID, the cost of living crisis, and global conflicts, the state of the world has taken its toll on me.

While there’s not much I can do about the big things, I decided that this year I would eliminate anything in my personal life that was causing me stress and generally try to live a healthier life. That’s when I began thinking about my New Year’s resolutions.

I have made quite a few in the last few years, common things such as losing weight, exercising more, learning new skills, improving sleep hygiene to combat my insomnia, getting out and about more often, and spending less time online. And while I have sometimes successfully committed to these resolutions, which has definitely helped me feel better, I realized that the simple act of making a New Year’s resolution is one of my biggest sources of stress.

Coming out of the COVID lockdown a few years ago, my main New Year’s resolution was to lose some of the weight I’d put on during that period. Fast forward, and I still haven’t lost as much as I would’ve liked. This caused a great deal of anxiety and triggered the classic intrusive thoughts—I’ll never lose weight, I’m grossly unhealthy (I’m not), I’ll never make friends, and so on.

It’s odd, because it’s not like I’m super strict about them. There have been several times in the past where I’ve half-heartedly come up with a resolution and not followed through, but it’s only in the last few years that failing a resolution has had this effect on me.

Why New Year’s resolutions stress me out

Ultimately, I think the way my brain works has changed significantly in the last few years. Maybe it’s a mixture of growing older and the world gradually getting worse, but failing New Year’s resolutions has caused me more stress in recent years than ever before. But then I remember the big thing that’s happened in my life recently: my OCD diagnosis.

I’ve had OCD my entire life, but it’s only really become apparent in the last few years. OCD manifests itself in different ways, but for me it’s been about unwelcome, intrusive negative thoughts. Those different variations of “you’re not good enough”. Of course, failing a New Year’s resolution would set these thoughts off. Setting a goal and not reaching it is like catnip to OCD, and by setting these arbitrary goals I’m basically inviting my brain to consume itself with these thoughts.

No more “I must”

I still think that New Year’s resolutions have their place. The goals I set are always somewhat realistic and achieving them does have a tangible impact on my life.

The problem with these resolutions is that, by saying “I must do these things,” I’m basically setting myself up for failure.

I’m going to try and take on a New Year’s resolution in 2026, but this time, instead of saying “I must,” I’m going to say “It would be nice if I”. I don’t NEED to lose weight in 2026, I don’t NEED to make more money, or go out more, or pick up a new hobby. But it would be nice if I did those things.

Maybe I will achieve all of my goals in 2026. Maybe I won’t, but that’s okay. I’m no longer going to drive myself crazy thinking of all the things I need to do. 

I’m just going to do my own thing at my own pace, and I’ll be happier for it.